let the prophets speak

Comments on Marriage and Women in Leadership

These are some comments addressed to my pastor regarding this topic. Once again, I pray you are blessed by this article...

Recently my daughter and I were discussing how even the women in the church were succumbing to the “woman’s lib movement”. We were talking about how they should not allow the worldly attitude that has come into the church to influence them to step out of their God-given femininity. I had told her that women don’t realize that their strength lies in their femininity, not in them acting like men.

I especially see this in women who hold leadership positions, or who are trying to get in leadership positions in any arena that is male dominated, even the church. There are many examples of women who saved their homes, and nations without having to step outside of their role…[Abigail-I Sam. 25: 18, 23-25, Esther-Esther 5: 1, 4-7, and Jael-Judges 4: 18-21], notice anything? I love being a woman, don’t feel that I have anything to prove, so I refuse to allow situations in our world to force me to behave unnaturally.

As far as positioning, I was thinking about Deborah in Judges 4: 4 - 9, how she was where she was suppose to be, [she was married to Lapidoth, (covering), and was operating in her calling], when she sent for Barak to inquire as to why he wasn’t operating in his. His refusal to do it the way the Lord intended, [why didn’t he just “step to the plate”], led to Deborah letting him know in verse 9 that he would get no glory in the battle, but the glory will be given to a woman. If a man will not do what the Lord wants, He will use a woman in his stead, but that is not “original intent”. This is also a curse that needs to be broken, women having to be “present” because the men are “absent”…[Adam, where are you…Genesis 3:9]?

In spite of all of this, you would probably be surprised to know that I don’t believe in women pasturing, or being the “covering” over a church. I do believe she can co-pastor under her husband, and definitely minister to men…Acts 18:26. Bishop, I just can’t find scripture to support a woman being the final authority in the “chain of command ”over the congregation, especially the men…Isaiah 3:12. Don’t get me wrong, I have much respect for Pastor McCollough, and Pastor Reems, and other women who are pastoring, [my best friend in NY feels led to be a Pastor-we each have to operate from our own convictions], and I can receive from them, I just wouldn’t become a member of their church.

When I was in Texas, I was invited to co-host a radio show with a Prophet, and then to team-teach at a small singles seminar with another Pastor, [I ministered to the men, and he ministered to the women], I was so blessed by the opportunities! During that time, sisters in leadership would ask me to come “under them”, offering more opportunities for ministry, but I didn’t feel led. The reason I feel the way I do is because of the revelation the Lord gave to me regarding I Corinthians 11, allow me to explain…

I know that in the spirit there is neither “male nor female”…Galatians 3: 28, so a sister can be just as “bad” as any brother in ministry. But in the natural the Lord did set divine order, which is actually for the woman’s protection because we are the weaker vessels. It is written that the man is the covering and head of the woman…I Corinthians 11: 3-12. This is why a man doesn’t need a covering because Christ is his Head, nothing should be between him and God…verse 7. So, how does a woman cover a man…II Corinthians11: 4, 7…he doesn’t need “covering”, not even from a man. Teaching, direction, instruction, even mentoring, but not a covering, he is a covering.

When I looked up the original definition of the words, covering or head actually means that the man is, in the sense of seizing, “the part most readily taken hold of”, first line of defense in an attack, also, foremost, and the guide of the house. When the enemy comes knocking, the man should be the first one He runs into! This was one of the problems in the garden; Adam should have been between the woman and the serpent.

Then scripture teaches that the position of the women would be to encompass a man…Jeremiah 31:22, which means we encircle, surround- [hold and comfort], and shield our man, protect his vulnerable parts, [heart, emotions, stomach, sexual organs]. We protect each other in different ways, there is so much more to this but I will leave it here for now. A woman can’t cover me, so I don’t place myself “under” one in that capacity.

Also, I believe that a wife shouldn’t have to go to her Pastor for prayer, spiritual guidance, etc. when she has a saved man at home. He should be able to pray her through, able to be her “minister in residence”, and they should come to church for further edification, fellowship, and increased strength together. I feel the church is partially to blame for the lack of this because men are not properly taught on a consistent basis, by all the churches, regarding their role, like women are. The world taught them sexuality, and the church needs to teach them responsibility, naturally and spiritually. The “church” is so afraid of running the men away, that they have failed to reprimand them, to correct their thinking, and teach them the truth, [some would do better if they knew better]…praise God!!!

And why is it that women are told by the church to get all this “stuff” to bring to the table? The reason being so they wouldn’t be needy, and in return have better relationships. Then why is it that these women are being “used” more now than ever before? Scriptures teaches that the men brought the “dowry” to the marriage, [start with Genesis 24: 10, 53], and the Proverbs 31 woman was “industrious” with her husband’s provisions. His labor is work, and hers is childbirth…Gen. 3: 16-19.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t approve of laziness, [I raised four children, alone], and I don’t feel that a woman should be waiting around for a man, or anyone else for that matter, [except the Lord], to “rescue” her. I just think it is wrong for a woman to be taught to get possessions to make herself more “marketable” to men. I wonder, which represents more strength, to be able to make a stand for Christ with nothing, or with everything? I never wanted to be rich, or excessive, just comfortable…Proverbs 30: 8-9.

Personally, there are times I wish the “money” aspect would be removed from the church, and then we would see who is really called, and who is really in love. Hmmm…

Now, I got to say something about husbands “crossing the fence”, [having affairs]. I don’t understand a few things so maybe you can help me out. One of the reasons saved couples get married is so they can make love, so why should a wife be expected to “tolerate” her husband’s infidelity, and play “Russian roulette” with her health, [and her spirit], because he chooses to be “greedy”…I Corinthians 7: 2? Would he be so tolerant of her in that same situation? He would “trip” real hard if she “climbed over the fence” because she had opportunity. [Am I hitting too close to home, I think I am]… brothers need to remember that once they marry, their bodies no longer belong to them…I Corinthians 7: 4, that scripture does go both ways.

Let me tell you something that happen to me several months ago, I was coming home from work late one night and this brother “rolled up” on me. Generally I wave them away, and I did this to him, but he parked and got out the car. As I was reaching for my pepper spray, just in case, [oh, yes], the Lord said for me to talk with him, so I paused. When he started “rapping” to me, for some reason, [God], I asked him if he was married, and he was truthful and said yes, [God, again]. He then said that although they were in the church, they were having problems and could he take me to dinner so we could “discuss it”, [you-all are so funny at times]. That was when I began to “minister” to him.

First I told him, I couldn’t go to dinner with him because I would not hurt my sister like that and although I didn’t know her, she was still my sister in Christ. Then I told him that all that “stuff” he had on his mind when he rolled up on me, he needed to go home and do with his wife. As he tried to “justify”, I said, “Do you know what the best sex is”? He almost “tripped”, until I answered my own questions with…”the best “sex” is married sex because you can make it as exciting as you like it, and not have to repent afterwards. No shame, guilt, need to repent, chastisement from the Lord, fear of discovery, or having to sneak off. Just peace and joy…in the Holy Ghost”. Now that I had his attention, I was able to give him scriptures, explain a little about how his wife might be feeling, and suggest counseling for him and his wife. He was close to tears, so I asked him if I could pray with him, and he accepted. I felt seeds were planted, [bet he didn’t expect that…huh…LOL]. I wept when I got home, praying that somehow the Lord used me to save a marriage, and at the very least the enemy didn’t use me to destroy one.

Husbands need to think about what they bring home from their adulterous behavior. It is not just the possibility of disease, but there are “soul ties” that are formed with each sexual encounter…I Cor. 6: 16. There are other spirits that are with that woman he is fooling around with besides the one she presents to entice him, [and besides that spirit of adultery in operation]. After he has his “fun”, he then goes home and makes love with his wife passing those spirits into her, and she is “afflicted” by his affair more than he knows. So besides her emotions, their commitment, and her trust, he needs to guard her spirit as well.

While I am here, let me just add this about “first ladies” because I feel sorry for most of them.

I have had friends that were first ladies, and when I worked on a church newsletter, I interviewed my Pastor’s wife, and they have a lot to deal with. They have to share their husbands with the congregation, the same congregation that generally treats them like they are an obstacle, or non-existent, or someone to be used for various reasons. Then, there are the “aggressive” sisters, [with any man in the church, married or single, there is at least three woman who believe he is their husband and the number increases depending on his charisma, financial status, and/or appearance-LOL]! Add the board members who embarrass him in front of his wife and children in some churches, his absence from the home, and maybe rearing the children mostly alone. Let’s not include her “calling” also, and [I believe if she is a first lady, she is “called”, also]. If you look at it, the weight of ministry is not just on him.

Now with all that she has to deal with one would think that her husband would look out for her, especially in this area. Why would he add adultery to the burden she has to carry just because he has opportunity? Shouldn’t his love for her make him at least be merciful so that just because he can, he doesn’t? Must she share every part of him? Shouldn’t she have something that is especially hers, since he did marry her? [I Corinthians 7: 3].

Then the church always wants to put all the blame on the “sisters” for the affair, [and yes there are some “scandalous” women in the church]. Even to the point of calling them names, [“church whore” or “temple prostitute”, [such ugly names]. I have often wondered, how does one minister to these women once they have hurt and insulted them like this? Blaming the woman…John 8: 3-5, for going after some “poor” brother-minister-Pastor-Bishop. Oh, come now, Bishop, you know, especially in today’s church, there is no way a woman can get next to you-all unless you allow them to. It isn’t rape, so why totally blame the woman? A man can be “safe”, if he wants to be, Joseph ran…Genesis 39: 10-12, [same situation today]. Yes, it may be difficult but it is not impossible. A man’s “libido” is no stronger than most women’s, [it is just activated differently].

Also, I don’t look for other women to “look out for” my relationship with my mate, I look to my man, [and the Lord above], to protect what I have with him, the man does have a choice. If men would be firm, instead of flattered, then they would be more likely to protect what they have at home. The way I check myself is this, would my excuse, or reason, have validity before Christ?

People can’t help who they are attracted to, and feelings aren’t wrong, it is how those feelings are acted upon that may be wrong. I appreciate when someone admires anything I have, as long as they respect that I have it. If the man is mine, he should make that very plain, I shouldn’t have to, so I don’t. [This is what I teach single women, and if they have to “fight” over a man, he is not theirs anyway, so let him alone].

I am really praying that one-day we [men and women] will understand one another. Maybe we will get to that place of understanding once we stop being “at war” with each other all the time. What we are trying to “win” with all this fighting is beyond me though because I thought the “prize” was the relationship, [God, spouse, children], but I guess not. I hope that when someone finds out what is worth all the fighting, they will let me in on it because maybe I have desired the wrong thing all these years.

Bishop, there are issues on both sides, [fo’ sho’-smile], and although it is hard to trust, women still want their man to be “the man”, just as you said in your message. Sure, some of us “test” the limits, but it is more to ensure security, than to try to take over. It is more like locking up your house before going to bed, and then going back “rechecking”, [pulling doors, trying the windows, etc]; to make sure they are secure. It’s not even a deliberate attempt to take advantage, just some sort of “reassurance” I guess, especially if she has been “robbed” before. Most woman do not want a man “weak” for her because then she does not respect him, she wants him to be balanced, and she is most secure in the relationship, when he is sure of himself.

I think feeling "unprotected" is a major issue with black women, feeling vulnerable from the very beginning, having had to protect themselves all their lives, old habits are hard to break. Then the “church” teaches single women that they don’t need, and shouldn’t want a man, [you know-if you are really spiritual…], and when marriage comes, she is expected to make a 180 degree turn to respect, and submission. Our singles ministry really needs to be revised.

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